Monday, January 20, 2014

To my Once Prince

Lets talk of fairy tales.

We are all told that this is what our lives should be like. A rough first act a brief happiness and then tragedy in the second and a happily ever after at the end. All problems resolved and the smile all around. That is what our parents tell us, disney tells us, and countless other sources. We are told at an early age that this is what we should expect. Things might get a little rough but you are just in the process of your happily ever after. You are in the rough beginning. Nothing more. We are all certainly special and something amazing will happen. There is someone out there for everyone and everyone has a true love. What? You don't believe me? Look at all those stories and movies. Hell look at just how happy barbie is.

The truth is far less kind. Even the true stories of those famous princesses is far from glamorous. The little mermaid commits suicide than kill her love that rejected her. Sleeping beauty is raped and gave birth. Little red riding hood gets eaten by the wolf. Cinderellas step sisters hacked off body parts to steal charming away. That is far from the pretty picture that we are told as children, but those were the stories we should haven been told. That way when bad things happen we wouldn't be so selfish with our demands for recompense. Bravery and love are not always rewarded or returned, nor is honesty, kindness, or passion.

So let me tell you a fairy tale. Stop me if you have heard this one before.

Once upon a time there was a girl. She was the youngest of her parents brood and the most different from them. She had the voice of a song bird and was the only one so gifted. Her parents and siblings had eyes of blue of the sky and brown of bark hers were are green  as the leaves on the trees. She was kind , as well as honest to the point of bluntness, generous without thought, and very very sarcastic. No matter what she seemed to do she didn't seem to fit in with the rest of her family. That came to no surprise, for her mother was vile and twisted. So much so her father was never home for long. Her mother twisted those children around her  until they either fled or were twisted themselves, but not the little song bird girl.

She stood up to her mother for her siblings, and they watched in silence as she battled with the vile witch day after day year after year to keep them safe from her mother witch's evil power.. But all too soon she was tired and lonely so after a time, like  the birds that share her voice she flew from that place. As she left she met a wolf disguised as a prince. He was kind at first and sweet. She thought the world of him. She ran from her home and went out exploring, begging what she thought was the prince to come with her. He promised her he would but he was very cruel. She made a little home and got it ready for his arrival but he never came. He left her alone. He paid her no attention and the affection he once had was gone. when his attention was given it was often with malice. More often than not though he was silent. The only sound she heard was the cold howl from the winter wind. he never came to the little nest she made for them  Still she waited and waited. Her prince had promised after all.  She waited as woodland predators from all around took turns scratching and biting her. Waiting for her to give up hope so she would be easy prey for them to eat.  After a time she grew lonely once more. The vile witch had also found where she had fled to and was determined to get a hold of her once more and the creatures were starting to leave their marks. The girl began to sob. She cried and cried, sure that no one would hear her. Her voice sang out a song of pure sadness. A prince wondering by heard her call and was struck by it. he had to find the damsel and help the poor creature.

He found the girl alone and crying and fell in love with her. he promised her that she would never again be alone and that he loved her.  He held her close and one by one rid her of the woodland creatures. He helped her cast aside the evil witch and  the wolf and once more brought joy to the girl. She fell in love with him and for a moment they were happy. But the moment was brief. Her prince had to leave and return to his castle. He had promised to return but after a time that changed. Before he left, though he swore he loved her before, he deigned ever having feelings for her. He broke her heart in two and left with barely a word or reason why. The girl swore she loved him, and sang her feelings to him, brought up all the memories that they shared and all the promises that he had made. it was no use. He was no longer listening and had already swore he found someone else.

So there the girl sat once more. Alone and crying. After a while she dried her tears. Her heart was still broken and she was sure that it would never be whole again. She gave up her dream of every finding her true love for she was sure she had already found him and he no longer cared for her. A woodsman came by and to keep warm she invited him to share her nest. The girl planned to leave and make a new nest, far from her loves land, and far from his memory but her plans needed time. So she shared her nest with the woodsman who she had no love for. Only mild affection. She cried for her lost prince and her heart was still broken.Despite everything her prince had done she knew that she still loved him and then best thing for her was to forget so she did they only thing she knew how to do and ran away.

The end.

That is the kind of story that we should have been told. That is the kind of story that is more accurate. It would help prepare us as kinds for what was to come instead of these prepackaged lies.the heart break would at least be a little better to bear if you were constantly told how things should have ended. Even the original grimms fairytales end with a happily ever after more times than not. There are some really sick twisted things in those tales but every few actually end badly.  So this is my fairy tale. the end

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Borrowed time

It seems I have been on borrowed time for too long and now the bill has seem to come and my credit card has reached its limit.

A year of happiness, a year of freedom, and a year of independence is now gone. Now I have a roommate that I used to think of as a friend first, a job that is slowly turning more and more sour by the day, and never ending loneliness. My Odysseus is far from my island it seems. All I can do is hope that he returns to me eventually but after so long, though I know he will return, the light at the end of the tunnel seems dimmer and dimmer.

Overdrawn I am trying to keep afloat. I am not drowning, but I am far from land and I can no longer seem to care anymore. Apathy is my only flotation device. So far from who I used to be, who I was. I liked that person, I didn't want to change. I was happy. Now that I gone to, and after all that I faced I am owed much more than a mere year. But I do not get to make the decisions. I do not get to control the universe. There is no real justice system in the universe. No karma. Just actions and reactions. If it happens to work out fairly then so be it.

Maybe I just have island fever. Maybe this will fade and I will once again be who I thought that I was. Maybe my hope isn't so far away. Maybe my light is closer and brighter than I think. Still, in the end it is back to where I was before. I must fight for it, something it seems I have done for so long. I wanted my peace and I got a year of it. Apparently that is enough of a reward. I should just get over the fact that it is once again time to fight, and just fight. Stop being weak, stop being whinny and pathetic that I lost it, and fight once more. Toughen back up, stop being so soft, because that isn't a luxury I can afford any more.

The fight is all I have ever known, and in a way, that is my true home. So I guess Its time to stop vacationing and go home.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

The True Twlight.

With the amount of Twilight crap that is coming out to better sell the movie, how could I not say something about it? I wanted to  look at the truth of Twlight

So let's take a look at the idea for a moment, shall we? I think a little history is in order.

The notion of vampirism has existed for millennia; cultures such as the Mesopotamians, Hebrews, Ancient Greeks, and Romans had tales of demons and spirits which are considered precursors to modern vampires. However, despite the occurrence of vampire-like creatures in these ancient civilizations, the folklore for the entity we know today as the vampire originates almost exclusively from early-18th-century southeastern Europe, when verbal traditions of many ethnic groups of the region were recorded and published. In most cases, vampires are remnants of evil beings, suicide victims, or witches, but they can also be created by a malevolent spirit possessing a corpse or by being bitten by a vampire. Belief in such legends became so pervasive that in some areas it caused mass hysteria and even public executions of people believed to be vampires.

It is difficult to make a single, definitive description of the folkloric vampire, though there are several elements common to many European legends. Vampires were usually reported as bloated in appearance, and ruddy, purplish, or dark in color; these characteristics were often attributed to the recent drinking of blood. Indeed, blood was often seen seeping from the mouth and nose when one was seen in its shroud or coffin and its left eye was often open. It would be clad in the linen shroud it was buried in, and its teeth, hair, and nails may have grown somewhat, though in general fangs were not a feature.

                                               Good thing too because that looks pretty bad.

The causes of vampiric generation were many and varied in original folklore. In Slavic and Chinese traditions, any corpse that was jumped over by an animal, particularly a dog or a cat, was feared to become one of the undead. A body with a wound that had not been treated with boiling water was also at risk. In Russian folklore, vampires were said to have once been witches or people who had rebelled against the Russian Orthodox Church while they were alive. So in Russia I am going to turn into a vampire when I die. Great.

Many elaborate rituals were used to identify a vampire. One method of finding a vampire's grave involved leading a virgin boy through a graveyard or church grounds on a virgin stallion—the horse would supposedly baulk at the grave in question.Generally a black horse was required, though in Albania it should be white. So that is why those priest had those little boys. They were looking for vampires. Riiiiiight.  Holes appearing in the earth over a grave were taken as a sign of vampirism.

Cultural practices often arose that were intended to prevent a recently deceased loved one from turning into an undead revenant. Burying a corpse upside-down was widespread, as was placing earthly objects
such as scythes or sickles near the grave to satisfy any demons entering the body or to appease the dead so that it would not wish to arise from its coffin. Just like the Ancient Greek practice of placing an obolus in the corpse's mouth to pay the toll to cross the River Styx in the underworld. Some suggest that instead, the coin was intended to ward off any evil spirits from entering the body, and this may have influenced later vampire folklore. This tradition persisted in modern Greek folklore about the vrykolakas, in which a wax cross and piece of pottery with the inscription "Jesus Christ conquers" were placed on the corpse to prevent the body from becoming a vampire.Other methods commonly practiced in Europe included severing the tendons at the knees or placing poppy seeds, millet, or sand on the ground at the grave site of a presumed vampire; this was intended to keep the vampire occupied all night by counting the fallen grains, because apparently vampires have OCD and just HAVE to count, hence The Count from sesame street. 

So where do we get the vampire that we have today? Easy, books. 

While even folkloric vampires of the Balkans and Eastern Europe had a wide range of appearance ranging from nearly human to bloated rotting corpses, it was interpretation of the vampire by the Christian Church and the success of vampire literature, namely John Polidori's 1819 novella The Vampyre that established the archetype of charismatic and sophisticated vampire; it is arguably the most influential vampire work of the early 19th century, inspiring such works as Varney the Vampire and eventually Dracula, The Vampyre was itself based on Lord Byron's unfinished story "Fragment of a Novel", also known as "The Burial: A Fragment", published in 1819.
However, it is Bram Stoker's 1897 novel Dracula that is remembered as the quintessential vampire novel and which provided the basis of modern vampire fiction. Dracula drew on earlier mythologies of werewolves and similar legendary demons and "was to voice the anxieties of an age", and the "fears of late Victorian patriarchy". The success of this book spawned a distinctive vampire genre, still popular in the 21st century, with books, films, video games, and television shows.

                                         Vlad the Impaler aka Count Dracula aka not a nice guy 
 Although vampiric entities have been recorded in many cultures, and may go back to "prehistoric times", the term vampire was not popularized until the early 18th century, after an influx of vampire superstition into Western Europe from areas where vampire legends were frequent, such as the Balkans and Eastern Europe, although local variants were also known by different names, such as vrykolakas in Greece and strigoi in Romania. This increased level of vampire superstition in Europe led to mass hysteria and in some cases resulted in corpses actually being staked and people being accused of vampirism. The sad thing is that it still happens now. In 2002 -2003 there were allegations of vampire attacks in the African country of Malawi with mobs stoning one individual to death and attacking at least four others, including Governor Eric Chiwaya, based on the belief that the government was colluding with vampires.

Still no worries kids, we have top people on the case. In 2006, a physics professor at the University of Central Florida wrote a paper arguing that it is mathematically impossible for vampires to exist, based on geometric progression. According to the paper, if the first vampire had appeared on 1 January 1600, and it fed once a month (which is less often than what is depicted in films and folklore), and every victim turned into a vampire, then within two and a half years the entire human population of the time would have become vampires. The paper made no attempt to address the credibility of the assumption that every vampire victim would turn into a vampire but I am not a vampire and there are vegetarians out there so they can't be either.

How do you protect yourself? Easy.

Garlic is the usual suspect but if you are out I got you covered, a branch of wild rose and hawthorn plant are said to harm vampires, and in Europe, sprinkling mustard seeds on the roof of a house was said to keep them away. There is the obvious  sacred items, like a crucifix, rosary, or holy water and vampires  are said to be unable to walk on consecrated ground, or cross running water for some reason.Although not traditional, mirrors have been used to ward off vampires when placed, facing outwards, on a door (in some cultures, vampires do not have a reflection and sometimes do not cast a shadow, perhaps as a manifestation of the vampire's lack of a soul). This attribute, although not universal (the Greek vrykolakas/tympanios was capable of both reflection and shadow), was used in Dracula and has remained popular in movies and books. Some traditions also hold that a vampire cannot enter a house unless invited by the owner, although after the first invitation they can come and go as they please. Though folkloric vampires were believed to be more active at night, they were not generally considered vulnerable to sunlight.

                                                     This is hawthorn for those in need

And here is my favorite part of all. You see kids, since the term vampire is actually a recent development. Before what we think of as vampires were several different demons or spirits, even gods. They all consumed the flesh or blood to steal one's spirit. There were all sorts of different flavors and looks, but they all did the same thing, they ate people. When Christian came around is when things started getting a bit more unified. When everyone started converting the idea became more solid. The vampire was viewed as "a dead person who retained a semblance of life and could leave its grave-much in the same way that Jesus had risen after his death and burial and appeared before his followers." In the Middle Ages, the Christian Church reinterpreted vampires from their previous folk existence into minions of Satan, and used an allegory to communicate a doctrine to Christians: "Just as a vampire takes a sinner's very spirit into itself by drinking his blood, so also can a righteous Christian by drinking Christ's blood take the divine spirit into himself. So Jesus was a vampire.

Still, it is odd that every culture out there has a version of a vampire.  So who knows, maybe there are vampires out there and they are just better about not drinking blood from people, or they just frequent blood banks. There are a lot of theories but it is interesting. Why are vampires so stuck in the human psyche that we can't seem to get them out and we will kill people under the suspicion that they just might be one.

So in truth, Twlight is completely off, just like everything else. We do not really seem to know what vampires are after all.

The Fire Rises

A fine frenzy you are now dear
All those ideals
you failed to adhere
and there is no court of appeals 

 You swore it was me
that was the bane
and if I was absentee
 your greatness you'd regain

You sang our swan song
as you slandered my name

I was the one who was wrong
and you the one of great claim

How proud you were
so sure to succeed
yet you bowed
at your first lone deed

The fire claimed all
And were I rose
You did nothing but fall

with all of your woes

And I rise
so very high
burning into the night skies
without you I fly

I lent a hand
as you lay in ash
but I was banned
in your abash

So do not blame my hand
when it was yours
that lost your promised land
in your fire wars

The fire rises
and so does the  bird
there no surprises
in the theater of the absurd

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Diamonds aren't forever. Knowledge is.

I am quite the nerd. I follow under the ideals of Sherlock. Your mind has a limited amount of space, so what you put into it better be worth it. Thus, I end up reading books and watching shows that just promote learning of some kind. There are a few exceptions but for the most part I follow that rule. So after 3 weeks of being in the middle of the sea and only armed with books I bring you more odd and interesting facts to show you what a odd and diverse world we live in.

To those that prefer diamonds I have bad news for you. Even though they say that diamonds are forever it is not so. For those of you who skipped chemistry class, diamonds are made through heat and pressure of carbon. The carbon atoms form a pyramid  like structure. Graphite, the stuff in your pencil instead of lead, has a layered planar structure. This makes Graphite more chemically stable than diamonds. In chemistry everything wants to be stable so over time diamonds turn into graphite. Now before you run to your dresser to check your earrings, calm down. The process does take quite a while and your earrings will not turn into graphite any time soon. A few more facts on diamonds and then we shall move on.

Diamonds are extremely good conductors of heat so they best way to see if your diamonds are real(natural) is to see how well said jewels conduct heat. That is seriously the test that most scientist/suspicious jewelers  use to find out. Also diamonds are no longer the hardest substance known to man. In 2005 scientist at Bayreuth university in Germany created a new material by compressing pure carbon under extreme heat. Its called a hyperdiamond. It doesn't have diamonds looks though. It looks more like asphalt or the stones at the bottom of a fish tank. Following the hardness test, which pretty much is if it leaves a scratch then it is harder, it leaves scratches on diamonds.

Moving on, the loudest thing in the ocean is not the biggest. Its not even medium sized. The loudest thing in the ocean is actually shrimp. In fact they are so loud they can white out sonar from a sub so nothing can be heard around the shrimp besides them. This is what happens. The shrimp get into a large group and they start to snap their claws. Its not the snapping that makes the noise though. On the shrimps claws their is a groove on one side and a bump on the other so when they snap their claws water shoots out at 62 miles and hour. This creates bubbles that when they slow down and pressure takes over they pop and create the noise as well as heat and sometimes light. The noise registers at 246 decibels in water and in air that is 160  decibels. At jet taking off is 140 dB. They use this noise to stun predators and find mates. Besides giving OS' a headache the noise can be heard through the hall of the sub and it can dent propellers along with the heat.

Polar bears are NOT left handed nor do they cover their nose to hide, but they do enjoy toothpaste. Apparently they are concerned about oral hygiene because polar bears have been known to trash camps all to steal toothpaste. I guess they can not hide as well if they have yellow teeth Roaming polar bears have become such a problem that the town of Chruchill in Canada has a polar bear prison.They hold their inmates until autumn or spring, the season that polar bears hunt in, and then they are released. This could be quite a few months. They can hold up to 23 polar bears at one time. Still, they do not have to feed them, since polar bears only eat in those season. I hope that they learned their lesson though. Toothpaste is our right as humans. Still makes me wonder what a polar bear jumpsuit would be. I guess the easiest thing would be just to shave lines on them since their skin is black. Also, all polar bears are Capricorns, being born in late December or early January. So this means I am a polar bear. Ha.

For those champagne drinkers out there, its not carbon dioxide that makes champagne bubble. It is not the grooves on the glass that makes it bubble either. What makes champagne bubble is actually the dirt in the glass. Without the dirt and dust in the glass the carbon dioxide has nothing to bond to that creates the bubbles. So in theory, in a perfectly clean glass champagne will not bubble, only one with questionable sanitation with create the bubble that connoisseurs to desperately crave. Legally, now only sparkling wine created in the champagne region can be called champagne. Before 2006 any created in the US could have the same name. This is takes to a treaty with the European countries that states that only champagne from that region can be called as such. The US signed no such treaty and the treaty that they did sign that stated such, the treaty of Versailles that ended WW1, stated that it was only European countries. In 2006 the US accepted that ban so any sparkling wine made after 2006 can not be called champagne.

The guillotine was not invented in France. It was actually invented in Halifax Yorkshire and was pretty much beams of wood and an axe that came down with a rope attached to a pulley system. How the guillotine got to France was due to the Dr Joesph Ignace Guillotine. He hated public executions and thought that it was completely unfair that the poor should be hanged which was messy and could fail to work thus causing more suffering and the rich were beheaded. He suggested that things should be equal and that was what made the french take the idea and run with it. They gave the device a new name and sadly a new face. Also, despite what your histroy teach may have told you, the good Dr was not beheaded. He died from infection. The last person killed by the guillotine was killed in 1977. It was officially abolished in 1981.

For the moment that is what I will leave you with.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Giraffe in the jungle.

So if you go to a party store that sells supplies for kids parties you will not have to look very hard until you see a Jungle Party theme kit. Though I have yet to got to a kids party that actually used that theme, they are always there. Always. There is always a banner that says something like"Jungle Fever" of something equally cliche. In that theme there are various animals, a tiger, an elephant, monkeys, a croc, a lion, and a giraffe. We all except this without question.

The problem is, where a tiger, Asian elephants, some crocodiles, and Indian lines can roam into jungles, there is something wrong. Giraffes do not live in jungles. Yet there are ALWAYS there. Every jungle theme EVER. Why? They would hit EVERY branch. They couldn't survive. So why? Why?

It seems fitting for how things are now. At the moment where I live is filled with BS high school drama. I hide in my rack but even still it finds me. These queens of drama want to circle me with lies and rumors until all truth is displaced and I die with their lies filling my chest. I am the giraffe surrounded by screaming monkeys.

I work down in the galley, at the moment, far from my real job. Its temporary but it last for 4 months. Its to the point where I no longer want to eat. Its horrible. It really is. I have seen food dropped on the floor and then served, I a aware that the beverage machines carry 2 year old syrup. I know that hygiene isn't that pressing, and no one cares. Again I am the giraffe, and there are so many other little things going on that I almost feel that I should start looking for spots and horns.

Soon, but not soon enough I will find my way back to the savannah were I belong. I have plans to get an apartment and possible a dog. I have been dreaming of both for so long now it just doesn't seem real. I found a place that online looks PERFECT.  I want it. I want it so bad. What is holding me back is a possible money issue. Still here is hoping for my savannah.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

To those who would think otherwise:

 To those who do not know me, this will be quite boring. With luck the next post I will have found something interesting to write about once more. Please pardon me for stating something that needs to be said to the few that know my face.

Deep down I am not a good person. I do well to hide this fact, I even try, but I am not fooled. Call me arrogant, I have done so myself, but I am smarter than many. I know this. I try to hide it in a vain attempt to seem normal. Abnormal people get too much unwanted attention. That and I wouldn't dare let people I am close to see just how cold I really am. I wear a small amount of coldness to ward off the stupid and ever chipper. Once the person in question has passed those two qualifications than they are a friend. That is all. Just a friend. There are few that are closer, and even they have not seen my quite like this. At most they have seen me quiet. I pretend I am normal and in some way or another they all believe it. Sometimes I even believe that I am normal, not for very long though. Eventually something calls to my intelligence and I am reminded just how useless people can be, so stupid, and annoying.

I vent my intelligence into different formats, to better hide it. Why else would I learn all the presidents of the US? Of course there is the ever present sarcasm that I use. I vent and hide and it gets me through. I focus some of it through the very people I hide it from. They can be interesting at times, and they were my first obsession, but now that I have the key to most puzzles that they present, they seem boring and uninteresting, predictable at best. I dare not draw too much attention, but I dare not loose an ounce of my intelligence and potential. It is the siren call of intelligence that I am not immune to. It is then I am at my worse. I am cruel and uncaring. In short I am an ass and I know it, and I DO NOT CARE.

No one has seen me this way. I hide in isolation and if that is deemed impossible for the moment, then I don my mask and dance in the masquerade that is normalcy, all the while, waiting for the moment when I can strike off and examine what has caught my attention. Each call becomes a new obsession for me. Thankfully they are far between, everything else I handle on a normal level and all seems well. Its the puzzle that I must solve, the rush I love and hate, for it is addicting, and I must solve it. I hardly care what gets in my way, or what I must say or do to do so.

My intelligence is especially in people, social interactions, and what lies behind the day to day. I can read people, quite easily. My childhood was good for something after all I guess. I know what to say, how to act, how to stand, to act like I am just like them. Its second nature now. There is a simple pleasure in not thinking, just like them. Its how I made it through bootcamp. I turned my intelligence away and my social skills. It made it a lot easier. I was able to avoid a lot of the drama and frustration. The RDC were making decisions for me anyway, so why bother with thinking about how stupid it all was. It would do me no good, so why? Why make more than 3 friends? I was never going to see these people ever again and more than 3 was asking to bring how their pointless drama. Be-friend the people who mattered and screw everyone else. Simple.

The result was when I returned I was all the dumber. There was no avoiding it. Survival or insanity? Simple. I did my best to regain what I had lost, and now that I have been away from boot for almost a year I finally feel I have gotten most of it back. We all have our darkness and mine seems tied with my brightest light.

I have not reached my potential, my mental "growth" was stunted with the need to survive. That is how I am so cold to begin with. If I didn't learn that trick I would be dead now. I came close a few times before I just shut my emotions up. Children are not meant to be raised like that.

And with that I could have been so much worse. I could have quite easily become a sociopath. The true heights of my intelligence and what I could and couldn't be or have become I can only guess at. There is a lot I imagine I could be, but no proof and without said proof there is no point.  

And here I am on the side of angels as it were. Good intentions and an understanding of right and wrong do not make a good person. If needed be I'd shake hands with the devil, most likely for a good reason. It is because I understand one thing, I will never be pure, or innocent, or good, so why stain the hands of someone who is when my hands are already stained with sins. In a way that makes me good, if that is the way that you wish to see it, but I know better.I am no hero, I am no angel, I am no concerned citizen. At best I am demon with morals.